I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
