If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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