if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
