I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
