Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
