you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
