i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize