When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
