I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
