it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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