i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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