he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
