My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
