he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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