you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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