Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
