My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
