he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize