I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
