Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can't special order awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His nipple licking is glorious
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