Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
