dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I pour the whiskey from now on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize