At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I still have a little drunk in my system
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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