he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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