I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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