1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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