I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
