Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
