you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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