It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
