I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
