we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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