She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
