hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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