Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
