I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
