Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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