honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
