i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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