You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
