he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
