you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Watching her eat just hurts me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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