Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
