is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
