I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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