He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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