So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
