I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
