is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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