break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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