I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
