More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
love makes seman taste better
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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