Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
