Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
