Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
