I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
