Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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