You smell like a Billy Joel song
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
