She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
