tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize