Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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