how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
