Your tits are I can't wait for
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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