He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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