508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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