Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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