I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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