and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
