Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
