would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
