That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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