Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she looked like the before picture.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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