if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
