you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
