Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
