May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
