it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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