Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
