I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
