i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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