Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
