remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
