the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
