I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
