We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
