ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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