i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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