cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
