i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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