i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize