Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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