My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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