next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There r osticjed everywhere
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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