who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
