The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize