the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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