Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
