I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
