The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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