Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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