She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
